Hilarious Nightmares 2

by Daniel Guyton

A collection of 8 One-Act Plays. Includes the titles Macabre-CadabraBingo, the Birthday ClownDon WannabeFat DickSay Hi To Agnes For MeThe Grim RaperPoor Bastard; and Poisoned Apples. These plays will terrify you, make you laugh, and might even make you cry – all at the same time. Come hear murderous confessions, romances gone wrong, and dreadful deeds aplenty. These dark comedies are sure to delight, offend, and most of all entertain!

MACABRE-CADABRA – 2M,1F. One-Act (20 min), A magician with a very dark secret receives an offer that he… really should refuse.

  • “A professional magician thought he had everything he ever wanted, until he gets a taste of the real thing. Will he choose tricks over treats? Or is he happy waving his wand and pulling out a rabbit? Find out in this inquisitive comedy/drama by Daniel Guyton, MACABRE-CADABRA! (Press Release, Darkhorse Dramatists, 2013)

BINGO, THE BIRTHDAY CLOWN – 1M. One-Act (10 min), Bingo attends the funeral of his best friend in full birthday clown regalia – much to the chagrin of his best friend’s family.

  • “You wouldn’t want Bingo at your child’s birthday party. But you might want to book him for your funeral, so he can chew to bits anyone on your hate list. Kidding aside, this is a powerful, unforgettable monologue — raw, intense, cruel like the characters in Guyton’s Prison MonologuesThis character makes me wonder why we are so drawn to vicious characters… Perhaps, they’re the ones that suffered some childhood trauma or they’ve just suffered…just like us. Bravo, again.” (Asher Wyndham, New Play Exchange, 2015)

DON WANNABE – 1M,1F. One-Act (10 min); A handsome Hollywood player actually wants to be sincere with women, but he just can’t seem to do it. His inner monologue keeps taking over…

  • “Naughty, bawdy, touching, and maniacally funny in turns… A producer and an actress share a conversation over a glass of wine as he slips in and out of brilliant sporadic Shakespearean ‘moments of truth.’ Hysterical!” (Pat Taylor, Tolucan Times, 2013)

FAT DICK – 1M,1F. One-Act (10 min), An overweight private detective has to solve a murder. But can he figure out what to eat for dinner first?

  • Finalist in the Independent Play(w)rights 10 Minute Play Competition, 2013
  • Semi-Finalist in the Little Fish Theatre’s Pick of the Vine Competition, 2014
  • Published in Best 10-Minute Plays of 2016 by Smith & Kraus, 2016
  • “Next-to-last is Daniel Guyton’s FAT DICK, which, as its title suggests, involves an obese private detective. His nutritionist has been killed, and the nutritionist’s widow (the fabulous Katie Graham) is under suspicion of murder. The action takes place as a stereotypical film noir meeting in the detective’s seedy office. There are clever lines, many recycled “fat” jokes, a nice flow, and an appropriate ending twist. Peg Thon is terrific as the offstage voice of a secretary… Paul Donnelly has directed the proceedings with nice blocking and flow.” (Playgoer, theaterreview.com, 2014)

SAY HI TO AGNES FOR ME – 1F. One-Act (10 min), Jess is an older woman in an all-female penitentiary, here helping a younger prisoner learn the ropes.

  • “Jess, a prisoner going on 40 years in confinement, is a complex character. You might not identify with her, but she definitely deserves our understanding and our empathy. Yes, she has her vices, but she also has her virtues. She has the positive and negative traits that actors want in the greatest characters. She has a tragic past, but she’s found some happiness in the present — and that shows us her strength. She has a rare fortitude — she will survive in her cell city until she dies. Better listen to her, learn the ropes, get close to her.” (Asher Wyndham, New Play Exchange, 2015)

THE GRIM RAPER – 1M,2F. One-Act (10 min), The Angel of Death tries to pick up women the only way he knows how… With roofies.

  • Published in Best American Short Plays 2012-2013 by Applause Theatre Books, 2014
  • “Okay. ‘There issssssss no Springgggg Breakkk. Onnnnnly deattttthhhhhhh.’ is an actual line from this play. Like most of Guyton’s plays, it is extremely well-written. The dialogue is indeed superb… and it is funny for like 98% of the play. But the ending will mess with you. Read it if you enjoy comedies with a horrible [yet sadly true] ending.” (Bryan Stubbles, New Play Exchange, 2018)

POOR BASTARD – 2M. One-Act (10 min), A homeless man finds a dead body in an alley – a RICH dead body. Who vaguely resembles himself. What would YOU do if you were him?

  • “I love POOR BASTARD and looking forward to seeing it again today. I’m forever a Daniel Guyton fan!” (Tanya Freeman, GOOD Works Theatre Festival, 2013)

POISONED APPLES – 2F. One-Act (10 min), Two old women plan an unforgettable Halloween celebration for the children in their neighborhood.

  • Finalist for the Best Actor Award (Ian Ramsey) from AudioverseAwards.net, 2016
  • “I just wanted to let you know that the play recordings went really well and that [POISONED] APPLES went down with great delight. [It] was absolutely delicious to hear.” (Jon Coupe, Blackwell Playhouse, 2015)

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